we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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