Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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