you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
