people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
