I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
