these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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