I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
