I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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