just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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