I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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