Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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