I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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