yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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