If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
