we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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