I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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