dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize