first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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