there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
