i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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