a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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