the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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