I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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