bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
