you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
