i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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