You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
