I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I showed him my bush... on skype.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
