We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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