It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
