I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
