the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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