This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you would pick up someone in the library
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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