I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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