tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
