i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
there is glitter all over my balls
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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