He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
