is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
