my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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