In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
