I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
