Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
the raccoons are back...
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