Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
