woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
