So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We left the knife in your bed.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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