apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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