Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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