Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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