i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
