no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
