batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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