**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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