Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
