New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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