i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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