I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
