Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
