It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
