i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
so much tequila, so little girl.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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