I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
