I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
