I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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