I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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