I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
