i already hear my dad disowning me
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
