Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
