pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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