If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
