If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
porn star boner night. come get it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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