Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just want to make out with him forever
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
