I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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