hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
