I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
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